Stuff I suck at.

Perception and intuition to me are very connected. I happen to suck at both. Although the former is a form of rationalization and the latter mostly a preclude to hallucinations, they do share a middle ground- sort of an educated guess. I suck at that too.

She is sitting alone in the park, staring into nothingness. She is one of those reticent souls, but she has these bouts of emotional diarrhea wherein she floods anyone sitting next to her with all that is troubling her. A week ago, I was one such unfortunate person.
And so it began. It was sad. Her grandmother was suffering from cancer which was detected in its 4th stage. It was hard to predict where it originated or how much time she had left- it might be 3 days, maybe 3 months, maximum 3 years. And her life was in a mess. Her parents took night shifts at the hospital which were to her an interim of relief, because when together, all they did was argue.
I felt sad for her- as sad as one can feel for someone they hardly know. But I knew this feeling was fleeting, and would entail only till it was usurped by the normal resentment I felt towards her. So I humbled her, said a few consoling words, patted her on the back, and went back to culturing bacteria in a plate.


Ah, yes. This must be what is wrong with her today. Maybe her grandmother's condition is deteriorating. There is sadness and guilt, but mostly there is this overcoming feeling of achievement: I know what is wrong.
I sit next to her. "It'll be alright," I say. "I don't think so", is her reply.

Damn. Maybe she has passed away. More sadness. More guilt.

"I'm sorry.."

"It's okay. I hope she burns in hell".

Hmm.
Wait. What?
I gape at her.

"She was a jackass," she says.

"I'm sorry you think that way. But you know, she's dead. I think you ought to respect her just a tad," I say disdainfully.

"Who's dead?"

"Umm.. your grandmother?"

"Who said she's dead?"

"But.. you.. she had cancer, didn't she?"

"She does, yes. But I'm talking about my girlfriend. Ex girlfriend. She's such a b****."


OH CRAP. And I thought I was improving.

Love or Envy

Love or Envy

He loves her.
He loves her. She's beautiful. She's perfect.
Her skin, so white, so clear.
The clay got ample water.
Her fingers, so long, so artistic.
Musical notes flow beneath them.
Her hair, so black, so shiny.
Sun rays fear to touch it.
Her lips, so red, so glossy.
Snow white's apple shies away.
Her eyes, so blue, so meaningful.
A deep well full of water.
Her face, so chiseled, so shapely.
A diamond carved by a diamond.
She's beautiful. She's perfect.
I hate her.

Hello

There are times when specific body parts suddenly become more conspicuous to you. For example, today I was walking towards the bus-stop from home and all of a sudden, I could feel that my nose was very blatantly there. I could see its ghost from the corner of my eye and it felt very strange. Because I knew it had always been there, making its presence felt more adamantly in times of cold, but never had I acknowledged that there was something protruding out of the center of my face. And in these weird thoughts of 2D transition to 3D, I felt that there was extra kohl on the corner of my left eye. And this was even more weird, because, you know, one shouldn't be able to see the corner of one's eye.
And both these things struck me as very odd: it's so odd when you suddenly realize the existence of something that's always been there. And once that realization strikes, that something feels so foreign, but there's nothing you can do about it. Because it may be something that you haven't chosen consciously. Or maybe minus that something, you'll look as devoid as Pamela Anderson without her assets . So you just have to put it behind you (or let it remain there in the front, if you get what I mean) and just accept it and get past it. And then wait for another day when you'll suddenly realize that you roll your tongue when you pronounce 'r' or your tittle is actually a circle and not a dot, by which time you know the feeling, and you know better than to actually do something about it.

And this is my first blog entry. It defines who I am: just another curious individual with a taste for eccentricities. Hello.